Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Our Angel

I don't know how to say it.  I'm quite emotionless and cold right now, so this post isn't likely to come across like it probably should. 

We have had 4 ultrasounds in less than 2 weeks. 

Last week on Thursday, the ultrasound showed that the baby's heart wasn't beating as strong as it should.  It's heartrate was low and it was underdeveloped for the stage we were in during our pregnancy. 

After grasping at the idea that there was a chance that my dates were wrong and that the baby was just younger than we thought, I had hope. 

Monday, we returned for another ultrasound.  The heartbeat was barely a flutter and unable to get a reading on how many bpm.  The baby was also 3 days smaller than it was last Thursday.  The doctor prepared us for the worst. 

This morning an ultrasound showed that our precious baby's heart had stopped beating.  Our baby is an Angel, now. 

I am scheduled to have a d&c this afternoon. 

I don't know how I'll be tomorrow, the next day, in a week, or even in a month.  I am being the Christina that I do best:  farely emotionless, systematic, and not allowing myself to process the information.  This is me and it's how I am.  I know we have bad moments ahead.  But, we will get through this. 

We appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.  Our support system is amazing.  Thank-you.

12 comments:

C said...

Christina, I am so sorry. I haven't even congratulated you yet. I can't pretend to know what to say... but I wish you the best and I hope you'll be okay. Do yourself a favor. Allow yourself to cry and process it. It's better that way, even though it hurts. *big hugs*

Sarah B. said...

My heart is aching with you right now and I will be praying for you all. It is hard to see anything positive in these situations but as you mourn you need to know that Picklechips is walking with our Creator and I am even guessing that he is keeping your Dad company....there are smiles in heaven even though there are tears down here. Lay in bed, cry, and look forward to more blessings.

Dawn said...

Oh girl. I just want to hug you and I know that's not you so I won't. My heart aches for all of you.

Mrs R said...

I'm so sorry. I hope you and your family are ok. I know this can't be easy. You will be in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you, your little angel, Chris, and Calvin! If you ever need anything I'm at my mom's house during the week since Nick is gone...just give me a ring if you need anything, a babysitter, someone to chat...anything! There's nothing I know I can say that will help so I'll say some prayers that God will help you through this! Just lean on him!

Jenny S.

Lindsay said...

my prayers are out to you today Christina, Chris, and Calvin. Your dad must have needed someone to keep him company. If you need anything let me know.

Mrs. R's Hubby said...

this made me cry. i am so sorry. almost makes me scared to have kids. me and steph well be thinking of you and your family

Kocher Family said...

I am thinking of you during this difficult time. Sending prayers your way!

Tracie said...

Sending lots of love and prayers your way from way down south.

((hugs))

~Tracie

Anonymous said...

Christina, Chris, Calvin:
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. You have to remember that even though it is hard your Dad and other family members are there for your little angel. You need to cry and let the emotions out because it will help even though it does not seem like it now. It is never easy when this happens. Again I will keep you and you family in my prayers.

Kay

mylifeastina said...

HUGS! You and your family are in my prayers

Sarah said...

Christina,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It brings tears to my eyes as I lost our first baby at around 8 weeks gestation. I feel your pain and know exactly what you are going through. It does get easier eventually but I know from personal experience you never forget that lost one.