Monday, September 29, 2008

Red Rover Red Rover Send My Bestfriend Right Over!

I'm in an awkward situation. Could use some advice.

Tiffany, BFF
Aaron, Calvin's Dad
Tonya, Aaron's new girlfriend and Tiffany's 1st cousin and friend.

Okay, if you just read about the characters you can probably already spot the dilema. Tiffany is my best friend. We tell each other like everything. When I need to gripe, she listens and vice versa. That's what BFFs do, right? Well, she is also friends with Aaron. This has never ever been a problem because Aaron and I have always kept a friendship because that's important to raising Calvin. Well, Aaron has a new girlfriend. Her name is Tonya. I've known her for years. Great girl... I mean, I've partied w/ her a few times and I know her through Tiffany. They are 1st cousins and have been close since childhood.

Aaron apparently started dating Tonya a couple months ago... like June... I asked him about the situation out of curiosity 2 weeks ago and he said they were just friends... until last week when he finally admitted it. I don't know why he tried to hide it from me. I try to keep a pretty open relationship with him where we can talk about anything. Anyway, I pointed out the obvious that I don't know if she's step-mom material for Calvin. And, I stressed the importance of waiting until things are much more serious before introducing Calvin to her. He understood. Calvin has been talking about JenJen (Aaron's girlfriend of 3 years) a lot lately. He's 3... he's smart... he doesn't need to get attached to another girlfriend and be confused when it doesn't work out.

I know I'm being overprotective of Calvin. But, I'm his mom... that's my job.

I feel like Chris and I always put Calvin first in our lives. I knew from the start that Chris would be a good father figure to Calvin. If he wouldn't have met the standards we sure as heck wouldn't be married. I guess I sometimes wonder where Aaron's priorities are. Let me point out that he really is a good dad to Calvin. He gets him on Wednesday evenings and a night/day on the weekend. I mean, that's not every day, but I wouldn't expect that. Anyway, I know dads are different than moms. But, I wonder if Aaron even thinks about how his new girlfriend will be to Calvin in the future. I said earlier that I like her... but I like her as a party girl/bartender/shopper. I don't really know her on a serious level. Never seen her stability, mature, responsible sides - but I am not going to say she doesn't have one. I just don't know of it.

Also, now Aaron has bought a dog. Not just any dog... but 1/2 rotweiler (sp) and 1/2 pitbull. I'm not a dog lover and don't pretend to be. But, I don't know that this dog is a wise choice since there's a 3 year old boy involved. I don't know... maybe the dog will be great. But right now I'm paranoid. I am a vicious person when you mess with Calvin... and I would seriously hurt someone if that dog hurt him. Let me refocus... again, I'm worried that his priorities aren't where I think they should be. But, I can't change a person. I'm a control freak - so this isn't an easy concept for me.

So, let me get back to the whole point of this post...

Tiffany is somewhat stuck in the middle. I've called to vent to her a couple times and I don't get the full feedback like usual. I understand because she's Tonya's cousin and friend. I couldn't really expect her to choose sides and stick by me when I'm upset. It's not like there is really drama between me and Aaron, but sometimes I just gotta vent to someone about something ridiculous that isn't worth making a big deal about... and I have always vented to her. Now I'm frustrated because I am losing my personal life coach, shrink, and go to for everything. I feel like this situation will come between us even more in the future. Ugh... it's like I can see the big Tiffany-Christina break-up before it happens.

I will seriously be angry if I lose my BFF and Aaron and Tonya don't work out.

Advice? Suggestions? Becoming less of a control-freak is not good advice for me - I can't help it. Other than that... help?


Carolyn said...

Alright. First, that dog. A pit bull/Rott mix is not an acceptable dog to have around a small child, period. Just my opinion. I would not allow my child to be in that home with that dog. Those are dogs with violent tendencies. I had a family member who had a pit/lab mix who was super friendly... until he got mad one day at the new puppy who was tugging on his ears to get him to play. He snapped and killed the puppy. He had never even one shown violence before that, but pits are bred to kill. They are not family dogs.

As for the girlfriend. I don't think you can really protect Calvin much, side from what you've done- reminding his father to keep his girlfriend at arm's length until he knows he's serious. Unfortunately, you won't be able to choose his girlfriends, and if they do become serious (even if they suck), they will be around your child. I think your focus should be more on keeping the peace with all of the people mentioned because if she does end up being a part of Calvin's life, you sure as hell don't want her and you to be on bad terms.
If anything, I'd tell her you like her, and you hop that she is acreful not to let Calvin get too attached to her unless she herself is ready to be a step parent. That may scare her off, or she make come through and tell you she understands or maybe she'l prove to be more mature than you thought...
Just don't let this ruin any friendships. Chances are that this situation may play itself out many times as Aaron continues dating. So set some boundaries, recognize what you can't change, and make the best of the situation.

Good luck!


In the years of protecting my boys,I put them first! Before my own feelings and sometimes the end result wasn`t pleasant. Your first priority is Calvin. If the relationship of his Dad`s choice falls thru, then consider it a test of your BFF. As for the dog? I love dogs, but this IS a threat! I would insisit on the dog being caged/chained or whatever it takes to protect the wellbeing of Calvin. That is something you can control; HIS SAFETY

Sugar Sweet Thoughts said...

UPDATE: The dog is fine - she's fat and looks like a pillow. I totally overreacted... imagine that!