Monday, August 11, 2008

What Do You Think?

My Dad was killed in a car accident. You all know this. The other driver said that he fell asleep and hit my dad. Again, you all know this.

The driver's court date is coming up.
His blood/alcohol test came back negative - no alcohol.
There was no drug test done - but we expect that it would have been negative as well.

What do you think is proper punishment for this man?
He fell asleep behind the wheel, crossed the centerline, hit my father's car, and now my father is dead.

I have such mixed feelings about it all. I feel that the driver is genuinely sorry. So sorry that he came to the visitation... risking the chance of me or my family yelling or kicking him. I hear through the grapevine how he struggles each day; knowing what he did and remembering the aftermath of the collision. He is sorry.

But, how sorry is sorry enough?

I am confident that no judicial punishment will ever make this better for me or my family. So, why do I feel such hatred towards him? There's nothing he can do to make it better and yet I expect something to happen on his behalf to mend my broken heart. But... nothing will bring Dad back - and that's the only thing that would make me feel better.

I have posted before that I don't believe in accidents. I think life is a series of choices and consequences. Yet, over the past couple days I have been hearing something in my head that says that it was an accident. The voice is calm and soothing... but still I try to fight it off. Why am I fighting so hard for something that cannot change?

My cousin Tricia who just lost her mother, Lisa Addis, had a dream. She had a dream where she talked to my dad. She said the dream was so realistic that she thought he was standing in her room. My dad told her that he and her mom were happy and for her not to worry about her mother because he was taking care of her. She asked how he knew because he was not dead, he was standing in her room. He reminded her with a smile telling her that he was indeed dead.

This dream gives great comfort to me. I now believe that Dad and Lisa are happy in heaven. Although I still shed many tears and struggle to get through most days... I believe they are watching over us from heaven.


Amy said...

I know how hard it is to try and understand why things happen the way they do. And I also know how hard it is to truly forgive someone especially when their actions have caused you so much pain, hurt and confusion. You need to confide in God through prayer. That is where you will find the strength to forgive. Remember, forgetting and forgiving are two completely different things. You will never forget, and that's ok. But I know in my heart that once you can forgive this man for the role he played in your heartache you will be able to deal with it much better. He has to live with what he has done for the rest of his life. That in a way is punishment. You have to live without your father for the rest of your life. But as a Christian we can't be selfish and want someone to hurt or pay for their actions. We have to learn to forgive. It's one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. I love you and I'm praying for you always.

Kimmylyn said...

I just wish I could hug you.. I am soo sorry you and your family have to live through this..

I believe that he will live with the haunting dreams of what he did ..that is the worst punishment in my eyes..

big hugs to you..

Dawn said...

Wow, Tricia's dream gave me goose bumps. I wish I had answers for you but I don't. I do, however, have open arms and ready ears. If you need me, I'm always here. And I truly believe that you will get the answers and the comfort you seek in time.