Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Must Schedule: Time To Be Sad

I'm a planner... I can't help it... it's who I am.

Since Dad passed away, I feel like I've been very busy. If you look at my day planner for the next month you'll see that I have a lot coming up including finishing Summer semester, planning Calvin's bday party, Dr's appointments, weddings, tractor pulls, the fair, Holiday World, etc. This got me thinking tonight as I was laying in bed - unable to fall asleep. Am I going to have to pencil in a few days to be absolutely depressed about losing my dad??? I kind of laughed at myself as this thought went through my head. That's me... the planner.

Don't get me wrong, I cry. I rarely cry during the day, but, late at night after Chris and Calvin are asleep, my thoughts are consumed in my father. That is when I cry the most - when nobody can see. When nobody tries to find the words to make it better - when there are truly no words to cheer me up.

Lately, I have been trying to stay focused on the Addis family and be there for them. They were really there for me and my family after my dad passed away. The best way I can show my appreciation is to be there for them during their time of need.

Anyway, back to my point about planning... Yes, being busy does help in a way. But, I feel like I'm procrastinating on being too sad. Is that weird, or what? I still expect him to call. I still look for him in every Conway truck. I don't know how long this is supposed to take to sink in completely. Maybe never. However, I am going to try to pencil in a couple days of moping around the house in my pj's eating chocolate and Doritos, watching sad movies like Steel Magnolias, and carrying around a box of Kleenexes. Maybe late next week... I have a couple open days, then.


Nancy said...

Your not alone. I too have been in those moods,where I want to cry and will watch movies or think about stuff that makes me cry. Steel Magnolias gets me every time.

I've been told its good to cry from time to time. Must be a woman thing.
So grab your kleenex, and let the tears begin.

Dawn said...

**Big Hugs**

I don't know what to say. But I'm here for you.